INCESSANT PERPLEXITY

I’m in a perennial dilemma of whether I should write this blog or not but considering the positive effects I had writing my first blog I think I should write it. Its better out and lost than within and sulking.
I don’t know when it began; I don’t know when it will end, coz I’m at the receiving end. This was uncalled for. For past one year I’m trying to figure it out yet I stand disowned exactly where I was a year ago. I don’t know what triggered it; I don’t know what wrong I did to trigger it; I don’t know what could have been the factors for triggering it, all I know is that a intuition, a hunch, a gut feeling that I had, turned true, like it often does for me. It could have been easier if he could have said it, it could have been easier if he could have made me known; it could have been easier if ‘I’ wasn’t ‘Me’ and the ‘Me’ could have been ‘He’; it could have been easier, indeed much easier.
It’s so human to blame someone for something that he is not directly responsible for. Consider the following situations and think: Would you like to be hated by others for these:
a) For calling B as A.
b) For doing things your way.
c) For liking someone your way.
d) For hating someone your way.
e) For calling a spade, a spade.
f) For being in your own solitude and detachment that gives you peace.
g) For telling people that they are wrong.
h) For changing and adapting to your surroundings
i) And last, for being yourself.

I know that inner voice would be saying NO. Stop listening to this mind, it will mislead you. Listen to your inner self, the inner you, the real you, yes you “THE ONE”. Yet people, leave aside others, you and me do it. We blame others for something that they are not directly associated with. The result is a tainted faith, a dwindling trust, a broken relationship and a burnt past.

At times I feel victimized, at times I feel rebellious for I cannot get to the root, cannot unearth that closet which has hidden within reasons, actions, words which initiated this trauma of mine. However hard I try, I come back to that one point where I need that one key that unlocks the casket to my pain and agony.

For the pain and agony of the readers of this blog, this was just the prologue of my blog. But interestingly the rest is shorter and less painful than above

I have been thinking for quite some time now that why relationships are so complex, why is it that when someone needs to know something that would relieve you of your pain, you hide it, why is it that some people can absorb all pain and yet keep smiling, why is it some people just cant react at the right time, why is it that some people think that they are bigger than this world and why is it that some people can’t think the way things need to be thought.

It’s so intriguing that people can be at times so ununderstandable. I have given up on it. Its really painful to remember those moments and times which have brought you to the point you are today, Standing together yet apart, singing together but different song, walking together but in opposite directions, thinking same thing but in different ways, eating together but without the feel of others presence. At times I think, things would change for the better but everyday degradation in our relationship makes me think that day is really far. Much water has flown since. What could have been a relationship unparallel; has become a tragedy of errors.

I leave it to flow on its own, to be caressed by the evening breeze, to be ablution by the drizzle, to be warmed by the radiant sun and to be lost in the oblivion by time.