AKS : A Reflection Within….

Anddd thattt wasss theee lasttt timeee Iii everrr sawww herrr.

With that last sight, there were too many last things, which became the last happenings, in the last days, of my last happy days with her.

That Last Hug…
That Last Walk…
That Last Company…
That Last Dance…
That Last Talk…
That Last Journey…
That Last Wish…
That Last Phone Call…
That Last BEST FRIENDSHIP…

In my pursuit of happiness and the daunting quest for love, I left her behind, to find answers to her own bewildering, perplexing vagaries of heart and mind.

I never knew, that I was a die – hard, incorrigible romantic at heart, until those M&B’s, Jab We Met’s and Dil Mil Gaye’s engulfed me in their spirals and my heart fluttered in delight, of the incessant happiness that LOVE has.

I love Armaan’s passes at Ridhima. I love the exasperation Ridhima shows to her vacillating emotions. I love their chemistry, I love their love. I won’t be surprised if they fall in love in real life too, playing that reel life for too long. Love is all that enigmatic. But I hate what Kareena did to Shahid. But then, like Geet (Kareena) says, “Your mother didn’t knew what she was doing coz she was in love”. I think I will have to let her go, coz her love beckons her (what was with Shahid then).

Love being a matter of heart and not mind, played the elusive riddle until I met HER. And…I was bitten by the pangs of love, giving me interminable moments of anxiety, pain, happiness, tears smiles and LOVE.

For the first time, I lived that cherishing moment, when I found myself lost in her company, oblivious of this world, society, office, home, people, life, death…
For the first time I felt wanted.
For the first time I felt loved.
For the first time I felt complete.
For the first time that void within was filled.
For the first time I had Heart over Head.

Now I realized, that those numerous lonely nights, spent crying for her, wishing she would come back one day, optimistic of love cruising its way through, were nothing but a mere waste of my valuable emotions. She wasn’t concerned, she wasn’t in love, she wasn’t mine…
She will be happy in her world is what I wish and be indifferent, for my own world beckons me now. I have a lot to give to one who truly deserves it.

“hhhhmmmmmmmmmmm”, a big sigh of desperation.

I wish, all I wrote could be true, I wish I could have moved on, I wish I could have stopped thinking about her, I wish I did not intend to be with her life long, I wish if she wasn’t the one whom I could confide in, I wish she wasn’t the one to be with me, I wish I hadn’t met her at the first place, I wish we would have not come to the point where we stand today.

Expectation is a silent but a barbaric killer. It enters silently into your life creating mayhem and then leaves incorrigible wounds of desperation, haplessness, helplessness, and nadir.
There is nothing I can do much, but to wait, let time takes it own trajectory and end up in my laps.

I don’t know why but I live in an eternal hope and a dream…

“ABOU BEN ADHEM,
MAY HIS TRIBE INCREASE,
AWOKE ONE NIGHT,
FROM A DEEP DREAM OF PEACE…”

May DREAMS come true…