I Danced, like I never did before..

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------------I am writing after about 8+ months and I don’t know if I still can but nevertheless, sometimes some crap can even taste nice.
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It was uncalled for, unwarranted, yet a strange mix of emotions had compelled me to accept this invitation. It was astonishing that how easily I had accepted it. I had no clue how this will happen yet a force, unparallel, unmatched, had overcome my reasoning and I had just given into it.
The stage was all set…
I move in..
The dance floor was glittering, shimmering and was inundated with numerous divas of the night.
And in the centre, of all those incandescent divas of the night, I could easily spot her. It wasn’t really difficult. You may call me pink blind. She was in a dazzling pink dress. No wonder she looked scintillatingly beautiful, gorgeous, out-of-the-world… I mite just fall short of words :)
I was invited to the floor along with one of my friend…
It was strange, may be I was timid; I couldn’t dance among all those divas around and my friend….a married bloke was hitting the floor hard and the girls just grooving around him. I knew it wasn’t coming. I was off the floor, went to the bar and had few shots. The throat was drenched and the blood had it running with it. I felt I was ready.

I hit the floor again. The beats, the moves, the jigs, the jives, the hops….everything was flowing out as the booze ran through the blood. Soon the tired divas were off the floor and my happy bloke friend too.
She had to oblige me, I was her invite.

The floor was all ours, so was the choice of music. A sly smile and a wink, and the DJ knew what he was mixing next.
She was there, she was in my arms, she was beside me, she was in front of me, she was behind me…yes she was all around me and I around her. We swayed with the music, we bent with the music, we grooved with the music. We had people staring at us, we had people praising us, we had people envying us, we had people blessing us and we had people asking for more… The ambience was great, the music apt and we did all we could.
I DANCED... LIKE I NEVER DID BEFORE….

I shall always remember the night, that dance and yes HER !

Valentine

She stopped smiling.
Her world changed forever and so did mine.
I stood as a hapless friend unfortunate to not even be of any help; a mute spectator, a motionless bystander, a blind watcher, a deaf listener and a dead friend.

It all happened, while I was there, unaware of the turmoil in her life; a moral turpitude, and all for the sake of “LOVE”………….

………and it died in the longer run.

Her chirpiness lost, her suppleness defused, her charm mitigated, her voice faded yet her grace intact. She still gives a picture of a perfect find.
You will still fall in love with her.
The aura still glowing…

It’s hard to accept her today. She is possessed. The possessor being her own ego.
She doesn’t accept herself anymore. She has deprived herself……living in abstinence.

She is not “SHE”.

It is unrealistic to think of a life without ‘she’ being a part of it.
It’s a symbiotic equation, my existence being a greater dependant variable.

I wish I can bring her back her smile and I know I can…
Let this Thursday be a witness. The Jupiter be my chariot and with all its "might and pull" I shall fulfill her world.

The sky beckons, the world heralds, the breeze sings, the flowers make the ambience scent-full; the first ray and the day shall unwind……

…….HAPPY VALENTINE!! ...... SWEETHEART!!

AKS : A Reflection Within….

Anddd thattt wasss theee lasttt timeee Iii everrr sawww herrr.

With that last sight, there were too many last things, which became the last happenings, in the last days, of my last happy days with her.

That Last Hug…
That Last Walk…
That Last Company…
That Last Dance…
That Last Talk…
That Last Journey…
That Last Wish…
That Last Phone Call…
That Last BEST FRIENDSHIP…

In my pursuit of happiness and the daunting quest for love, I left her behind, to find answers to her own bewildering, perplexing vagaries of heart and mind.

I never knew, that I was a die – hard, incorrigible romantic at heart, until those M&B’s, Jab We Met’s and Dil Mil Gaye’s engulfed me in their spirals and my heart fluttered in delight, of the incessant happiness that LOVE has.

I love Armaan’s passes at Ridhima. I love the exasperation Ridhima shows to her vacillating emotions. I love their chemistry, I love their love. I won’t be surprised if they fall in love in real life too, playing that reel life for too long. Love is all that enigmatic. But I hate what Kareena did to Shahid. But then, like Geet (Kareena) says, “Your mother didn’t knew what she was doing coz she was in love”. I think I will have to let her go, coz her love beckons her (what was with Shahid then).

Love being a matter of heart and not mind, played the elusive riddle until I met HER. And…I was bitten by the pangs of love, giving me interminable moments of anxiety, pain, happiness, tears smiles and LOVE.

For the first time, I lived that cherishing moment, when I found myself lost in her company, oblivious of this world, society, office, home, people, life, death…
For the first time I felt wanted.
For the first time I felt loved.
For the first time I felt complete.
For the first time that void within was filled.
For the first time I had Heart over Head.

Now I realized, that those numerous lonely nights, spent crying for her, wishing she would come back one day, optimistic of love cruising its way through, were nothing but a mere waste of my valuable emotions. She wasn’t concerned, she wasn’t in love, she wasn’t mine…
She will be happy in her world is what I wish and be indifferent, for my own world beckons me now. I have a lot to give to one who truly deserves it.

“hhhhmmmmmmmmmmm”, a big sigh of desperation.

I wish, all I wrote could be true, I wish I could have moved on, I wish I could have stopped thinking about her, I wish I did not intend to be with her life long, I wish if she wasn’t the one whom I could confide in, I wish she wasn’t the one to be with me, I wish I hadn’t met her at the first place, I wish we would have not come to the point where we stand today.

Expectation is a silent but a barbaric killer. It enters silently into your life creating mayhem and then leaves incorrigible wounds of desperation, haplessness, helplessness, and nadir.
There is nothing I can do much, but to wait, let time takes it own trajectory and end up in my laps.

I don’t know why but I live in an eternal hope and a dream…

“ABOU BEN ADHEM,
MAY HIS TRIBE INCREASE,
AWOKE ONE NIGHT,
FROM A DEEP DREAM OF PEACE…”

May DREAMS come true…

Petals dun weep is a Myth, but Morning Dew is a Reality!!

A year has passed by….
A year of hope – despair, dreams – reality, friends – foes, love – hatred, fidelity – infidelity,
SHE – ME

A year that saw the insinuations which will make even the Alps shy.
A year…..

How I missed those late night talks, those lovely walks, a companion by my side, waves of happiness to ride, those bear hugs and the chocolate dipped kisses. How I found her so near at times and then non – existent at other.
How I spend those lonely nights coming in terms with the truth, how at one time I wanted to leave it all, how I wanted to make a hell of my life at one time, how I wanted to see nothing through, how I was getting my ever – existent SHELL to close forever, how I’m still alive, how I move into the next year.
All in a year…..

It started a little earlier than last year but ended in the last year, making the year special. And like I have always remembered the dates like an honest historian, I shall remember these too.
1 December, 2006 :)
17 January, 2007 :(
25 January, 2007
14 February, 2007
24 August, 2007
26 October, 2007
10 November, 2007
1 December, 2007 :(
24 December, 2007
25 December, 2007

Funny it seems now.
However the year drew to an end with fond memories making it a year of not regret but not to forget.

I met “Morning Dew”, and thought of happiness abound but then soon realized that Morning Dew is lost by the morning itself. It’s not something that lasts till the darkness of the night.

The “Acceptance” however hard it may be had to be taken in stride, dunno how successful I will be. The truth is a harrowing blasphemy. Painful, morose, melancholic……

But in the dark hours of this harrowing “Truth”, I never miss her radiant face, her pristine smile, her pleasant company, her lovely talks….. Seems like I’m in awe with every aspect of her existence.
I have loved walking with her; the most beautiful part of my time spent with her. It’s the one thing which I will never forget and shall do anything to get a minute of walk with her.

The end of the last year has given me the best of memories, may be they help me cruise through the tough journey ahead.
The road uphill his harsh, lonely and crucifying but is the only truth existent. The year ahead may have its own song to sing but I have my own for the whole year…

“DEKHO CHHOD KAR, KIS RASTE, WO JAATE HAIN….
SAARE RASTE, WAPIS FIR, DEKHO AATE HAIN …

KAISIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII……….

NAHIN SAAMNE, YEH ALAG BAAT HAI..
MERE PAAS HAI TU, MERE PAAS HAI
MERE SATH HAI, MERE SATH HAI….”