They say its easy falling in
love, its difficult staying there. For me, neither the fall, nor the stay was
easy. Just about when I thought, the cake was ready to relish, the bread
started crumbling.
For her, the emotions had ceased
to exist, and the void was paramount to her decision. She wanted to avoid the
pain and agony of close death of a bond that somewhere even she felt “EXISTED”.
She wanted it easy, without slogging it out and I was ready for the turmoil,
only to churn out a phoenix.
While the bread crumbs were
crumbling under the so called “Marital Bliss”, I would often wander in the
bliss of those cherishing memories, which laid the foundation stone to this
relationship. Not really lost in oblivion was a special meet, when I had come
all the way to give her solace.
“Please come, I really – really
need you. Plz, plz, plz….” read the text on my cell phone. I didn’t need a
reason after that; those 3 “Plz” were compelling enough. I somehow managed to
get a waiting train ticket and I was ready to adjust for anything but make sure
I was there for her. Luckily, I found a friend in the train, who accommodated
me on his seat and I had a decent journey, all thanks to his benevolence.
I reached her place and called
her up on her cell to tell her that I will not be able to come due to some
problems. I knew she would come out to her balcony to pour her heart out. And
she did. I asked her to look down at the street and a million dollar smile
flashed at me. That was it. That smile made me oblivious of all the pain and
trouble I had in making it possible to meet her. That was just the curtain
raiser to her, to make her feel comfortable in the fact that her buddy was here
with her now. After exchanging pleasantries and spending some time with her, I
bid her good bye, only to meet up early next day and spend all the time
together.
She came to my place, we hugged
and greeted and she settled on the sofa across mine. We exchanged pleasantries
and I knew there was so much hidden behind those made up smiles. I tapped at the
vacant space besides me and gestured with my eyes, asking her to come besides
me. She obliged. I took her hands in mine and asked her what it was. Just like
a hot knife running over frozen butter, she started pouring it out. I let her
be. After a while, it was too overwhelming to still be my cold self. I decided
to comfort her and thought of hugging her. While I tried to pull her towards
me, she was too stiff to even move. I thought of putting my arms around her.
The moment I raised my hands to do so she moved back to rest her self, I
thought of stroking her straight tresses but my fingers got stuck in her wet
hair. She had washed them that day. I thought of rubbing her palms, but they
were too sweaty to even hold. Then I decided to wipe her tears but the moment my
hand touched her cheeks, she blew her nose out on my hands :(
I still want to hug her to make her
feel warm, to untangle her tresses, to hold her palms and reassure, that, I’m
there, to hold her face in the cup of my palms and tell her that I still love
her.
I needed to confront her, to
create a “tsaheylu” (a Navi’s emotional bond that lasts a lifetime; refer movie
Avatar).
After much cajoling and
convincing, she agreed to go for a walk with me. That was my only chance; I had
to make this “A Walk to Remember”.
Our silent tread towards nothing
and for nothing started slowly, and silence was that pervaded all the while. But
while we walked, I saved her from a ball hitting her face, held her duppatta
which the wind blew away, blew in her eyes to remove that mote, held her hands
when she slipped on the sludge, cleaned the park seat for her to sit, got those
sweet corns she liked and smiled every time she looked at me. Yes, Smile!
“You may not realize but after a
troubled night sleep due to my snoring you always had a wonderful morning
sleep. Coz, I made sure that I got ready and left without making a single sound
to disturb you.
You always had your special herbs
& spices in the kitchen shelf, ever wondered why they never exhausted.
You never had to bother for keys;
you always found them with me.
Whenever you had a bad day, you
always had me by your side and I always heard you out. You complained that I
don’t respond but did you ever thank that I listened?
The maid didn’t hassle you for
her salary, neither the servant did, nor the others, wonder why?
You complained that I didn’t
compliment but did you ever saw me not liking you in anything you wore?
Our special nights, slow,
sedating and exhausting, yet left you satiated.
Whenever you had your way, you
didn’t realize, I was with you in that way.
I may not be the perfect husband,
I may not have done things perfectly yet in my imperfections, I have made you
happy. Even I didn’t have the perfect love, but I loved your imperfections to
perfection.”
Silence pervaded again. We
started to walk back but after a while I realized it was just me. I looked back
to find her still sitting there. I called for her, she wasn’t hearing. I walked
up to her to find wet eyes trying to have a clear sight of all the messed
things around. She pulled me down to sit with her.
I hugged her, put my arms around
her, stroked my fingers in those straight tresses, rubbed her palms to console
her, wiped her tears AND kissed her to make up for all the lost time.
